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1-05-04
Soooo .. I would have been writing things for days now, but the stupid internet was not working at my house. Everything
was going great for like 3 days and then I got back to Seattle.. sigh, and my brand new car got robbed. Window broken,
3 day old stereo gone, and something like 300 cd's gone.. hell they even stole my pennies. To top that all off... the
next morning I wake up in so much fucking pain that I end up spending all day in the hospital where they tell me I have mono...
again. Which means I'll be sick for a long long time. And I just called some places to at least get my window
fixed and it's gonna be 200 bucks... and I may have to miss work cause of my damn virus, but I can't because I have bills,
but I have to because I can't even get out of bed... I just don't know what to do anymore.
1-11-04
Feeling better. School starts on monday, grrr. I have no money. I need someone to go rollerblading
with. Planning a trip to canada. Really glad I'm feeling better.
She's worn thin
With crisp
Creamy
Linen
Lingering on every
Fingertip
From a night
Of sullen
Slumber.
1-12-04
I'm sittin in my computer animation class. I just made a ball move across the screen,
how exciting. I already have more homework than I want.... ggrrr.
"You can call me all the names you want as long
as you pet me."
1-17-04
Things I love right now:
Not being sick
Cloudy Seattle skys
Driving through the city all alone listening to techno
Our new shower head, feels like rain
How I can pucker my lips, and my kitty will actually kiss me back
Working out while listening to Billie Jean
Turning off the tv, and turning on some music
Red christmas lights strewn around my bed
Hundreds of purple post it notes strewn around my computer
Spending the whole day just cleaning the house
Being optimistic despite all the negatives
1-21-04
Sitting here
Unbalanced chair
Wondering
Wishing
Winding down from months of havoc
To a moment
When I have nothing better to do
Then sleep with you
When every minute passing
Is a missed opportunity
For passion
Take advantage
1-26-04
I keep thinking it's still 2003
I hate cars
I love guys whose names start with J
I still have a job... YAY
I'm interested in infomercials
I'm tired.... bye
1-31-04
"You're gonna be dangerous when you realize what a knockout you are."
2-02-04
(early in the AM)
I know I wanna write something great right now. I've been sitting here for 20 minutes thinking. Fuckin forget
it. My left lymph node is swollen again, means somethin is broken somewhere inside.. maybe it's my heart. So if
you're moving to California Justin, why even bother (I don't mean that.. I'm tired). DOES ANYBODY READ THIS BUT ME?????
Anyways, umm... what? Patriots won the superbowl, means I'm not gettin in Coopers pants, dammit. What else.....
my legs are smooth, shaved em just now before bed so I can cuddle with myself... sad really. But tomorrow's a new day
and I'm excited.
2-04-04
(Phone conversation)
Me: "what's that word for couch... I think it starts with a P."
Du: "davenport."
Me: "yaaaaaaaaaaa that's it!.... wait, that doesn't start with a P, how'd you
know"
Du: "it has a P in it.. I don't know"
Me: "you're so smart... "
I found that highly amusing. So anyways, I spent the evening making pinatas and bidding on sultry dresses on ebay.
Watched the apprentice and bought my uncle some jack in the box. It all made for a nice relaxing night.
"Most people get butterflies in their stomach.... I think I have vampire bats." -Peter
2-05-04
(1:06 am)
I'd rather be lonely than lied to and cheated on.
2-05-04
(10:03 pm)
She's got baggage. It may be Gucci, but it's baggage nonetheless.
2-07-04
(7:10 am)
You know.. I'm always bitching about my karma, and how I'm a good person and I never get good karma, and how shitty and
selfish the human race is. That's all fucking bullshit. Paoula holding back my hair while I puke, Candice giving
me wheat thins and giving up her bed, Jason helping me with my car, Stephanie loving me no matter what stupid thing I
say or do.... having people like you in my life, THAT'S my good karma, and I wouldn't trade it for the fucking world.
-I love you
2-08-04
(5:15 pm)
When I went to my closet to get dressed this morning I noticed the distinct smell of mens cologne. Then I realized it
was jesse's jacket, the sweet guy I befriended the night of my drunken rampage, it smells so good I just wanna have sex with
it.
2-10-04
"What do you want, honestly... deep down inside?"
---"............... honestly?"
"yes.."
---".... to make you a princess."
2-15-04
Soooo... valentines day was a BUST. Worked my ass off all day yesterday and didn't recieve any flowers or chocolates
from anyone. So what did I do, drove downtown and drank myself into a sullen evening.... well at least I got to dress
up, get hit on, and hang out with some old buds. Today has been slow and unmoving.. and I like it that way.
"She left me. Somewhere in the midst of misty, muggy, memories."
2-16-04
A clenched fist
A broken necklace
18 hours
All ours
Come back to me
2-17-04
She's got pretty pink panties
Under a pretty pink skirt
And a prettly little face
That you just can't help but hurt.
I can be the girl next door..... .and the bitch down the street.
2-25-04
Killer headache last night. Wish I could get online at my own fucking house. I really don't like my EPP class. The
only bad thing about being happy is I really don't have much to write about. Why does everyone have to live so far away?
I just noticed how hairy my hoodie is. Where's my DU, why doesn't she visit me dammit!!
2-29-04
I love being me. Dressing like shit one day and like a beauty queen the next. Growing up. Figuring
out the future. Realizing.... I was wrong the whole time, that I'm not ugly, or alone, or helpless. I had total
control all along, I just didn't know what to do with it.
Now I know.
3-01-04
Plunging neckline
Guarded by a vintage necklace
Exposing a heart that's been broken
And taped up
And shredded
And sewn together
But it still works
Be careful.
3-09-04
.... I just want to burn everything I own and love, that way I'll have nothing left for people to take from me....
-an entry I stumbled across in my paper journal from January... gave me chills.
3-17-04
"I wanna write a punk rock song about you.."
What should I write... hmmm.. AHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm gonna go be lazy.
3-23-04
So du finally gets a journal but she never writes in it.. pfft.. I have an excuse not to write in mine cause I already
have like 3 years worth of journal entries. Leaving for the coast in 4 days, I can't wait.. it'll be nice to get in a lil
quality time with my drinkin buddies. My dad is sick, it's times like these that I wish I was rich so I could just fly down
and take care of him... but I'll see him next week.. I'm beginning to feel bad for being such a brat teenager while I lived
with him. Ahhh it's tuesday, tuesdays are my fave cause I getta watch america's next top model with the ol ball and chain.
Well, this has been a rather boring entry, I think I'll end it with the word of the day.... BANANA.
3-26-04
I don't think I can take much more of this
Rain drops
Dripping
From fence posts
And fingertips
But the thing I hate more
Than the ever looming depression
Is the driving
When all I wanna do
Is get home to you
Water covers any sign of lane division
And for some reason
It's so fucking dark
At 4pm
That I can't even see my own eyes
In the rearview
And all I wanna do
Is get home to you
I miss you.
3-29-04
So the coast was amazing. On our way there we ran into a little snag.. we ended up on
22 east somehow which should be a major CLUE right there.. I mean we're goin to the west coast, so why would we head east???
Then we see a sign that says traction tires required... another clue, but we keep puttin along... finally we see a sign that
says elevation 11,000 feet... SHOULDN'T WE BE AT SEA LEVEL??... so that's when we turn around, but we only went like a half
an hour out of the way so no biggie. We get to the coast and the weather is gorgeous so we go out to this place called
devils punchbowl. So we're all explorin and shit and doing austrailian accents and pretending like we're nature show
hosts, we point out how VERY DANGEROUS everything is however the moral of every show is to practice safe sex. After
we "conquer" muscle island, penis mountain, the blue flatlands, and of course DEVILS PUNCHBOWL.. we head down to check out
the wax museum and ripley's believe it or not and we buy these trucker hats that say "I love beer".. very exciting.. however
the weather is just SOOO nice we decide to put on our bathing suits buy an 18 pack of coors light and head back to the beach.
We walk around saying "I love beer, what can I say".. fuckin hilarious, and we decide to put the beer bottles in our zippers
so it looks like we have a penis and hump eachother. The pictures are great, and people were crackin up on the beach,
and a little fuckin dog PISSED on our cooler, but we were too drunk to care.
I have to remember some phrases... "I can lay my hair down", "love to love ya baby", "I'm a
rabbit", "whooooaa, is there a pool here??", "CRIKEY, those are class 10 rapids", "remember kids, wave running is verrrryyyy
danngerrous", and the imfamous "I love beer, what can I say!".
Well kids, tune in next week to CKS (the calley, krissy, and stephanie show) where we'll be
fighting off wild man eating plants in the sahara.. (aka: the tumble weeds in my dad's backyard in hermiston.) And REMEMBER,
always practice safe sex!!!
4-05-04
I'M A RABBIT! Ahhhh to be back in Seattle. Vacation was nice though, spent lots of time with my duddy, and
dulley, and du. Ummmm *smackin lips*.. eatin a brownie right now. What else... my boyfriend came over bearing
gifts... he's so wonderful. Well, hmmm.. must be nap time... we'll talk later.
4-05-03 (later today)
This professor is going to be the death of me. "Blah blah blah, I design a model railroad magazine so ya better
listen up." My du has been very grumpy today, she needs to get the fuck outta dodge. God DAMN I'm god damn hungry,
shit.. I haven't paid rent yet. So I watched 8 crazy nights and the name of the coach is whitey... lol. Every time they
said his name in the movie I was just crackin up inside (mainly because me and du call my boyfriend whitey). I'd explain
but it's too racist for my website. Well I'm off to see the wizard... the wonderful wizard of GOD DAYUM this class is boring.
4-08-04
Today was a good day... emphasis on WAS. Shit hit the fan around quarter to 5. Swear to god my life won't be complete
until every one of the mariners players has died by my hands. This morning someone at work mentioned that I'm easy on the
eyes.... *smile*. So my boss ordered our new uniforms today.. and mine is "little black dress". It's actually
fucking called that in the uniform catalog, and my question is, WHY DO I GET "little black dress"???? I must be
the ho-est looking hostess, hahaha fuck I'm a good writer. Anyways, I guess I'll go home now, take some pills, and pass out.
"A vicodin a day, keeps the suicide away"-krissy
4-10-04
When I wake up
I'll be hungover
Feet dangling
Over the bedside
Hot pink heels
Still in place
And I'll wonder
Was I sleazy
Did he see me
Struggling
To hide my wedding ring
And whatever it used to mean
Will I be sorry.
4-11-04
There's a picture on my desk of my dad holding me when I was an itty bitty, and it just makes me really not wanna grow
up. I really love my dad.
4-13-04
Ice cold water
Running
Down my throat
Threatening the warmth
Maintained
By my heart
But what's new
That's why I push you.
4-19-04
Ferrie rides
Tiring drives
Fishing lines
Quality time
Hid-a-bed
Aching head
Breaking bread
The things you said.
4-21-04
My.....................fucking..................head.............IS KILLING ME. I swear to god I must have a brain tumor
or something. Maybe I'm just getting so smart my brain is gonna explode, I'm gonna have to get skull implants to accomadate
it. I'm in class now, dying... at least I'm finally wearing my "wine em, dine em, sixty nine em" hat.. I love it.
My du's butt was hurtin today, but I love her. Yesterday my dad wished me a happy 420.... god I love my dad, he's so hip
and cute. The vicodin will be tasty tonight, I really wish I'd stop getting headaches like this, it's fucking up my quality
of life. Well I better actually listen to my prof now... until next time kids remember to eat up your flinstones.
4-25-04
I feel horrible. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry, I am. I just suck. Let's change the subject. Almost had to
have a fucking funeral for my computer yesterday, thing went psycho on me, the repairmen have it now which means I won't see
it for months... hope they have fun lookin at my porn. Well shit I'm tired of bein at this god damn computer lab, hey that
kinda rhymed.... I should drop an album sometime... ahahhahahha, ok seriously though, bye kids.
4-26-04
I spent the whole afternoon on the porch trying to be brilliant. I think all I accomplished was giving the house curb
appeal.. haha. It was nice though, did some drawing and shelby came over and we ate popsicles... good music.. *smile*. I'm
gonna write an autobiography "A million hours in the life of Krissy".
4-27-04
So I actually woke up at like 10am today, saw the weather, and went back to bed till 1pm for a grand total of like 11
hours of sleep. Oh well, I can't do much without my computer.. but CompUSA called today and said they fixed it, thank god.
So I had just enough time before class to give myself a pedicure and watch Oprah. Now I'm sitting here, and my mouth tastes
like cigarettes from stupid starbucks coffee. I miss my du. Too many options tonight, think I'm gonna stick with my original
plans. I wish the sun would come back.... crap I better leave the lab and actually go to class. Millions of kisses to all
my friends.
5-02-04 ...... sunday.
It's already MAY????????? *Barfing*.... just a little stressed here, and it turns out my comp ISN'T fixed so I'm stuck
commuting to the labs downtown all the time. I've been here for 5 hours already today, I think my eyes are gonna start bleeding.
My uncle was bein a jerk yesterday... I think he thinks he's my daddy now, and that I'm like 14... well guess what Ralph..
I ALREADY GOT A DADDY, and I love him.. so ha! ......... must.... eat..... I think I'll work for another hour or so, then
I'm OUTTIE. Well I hope you all enjoyed this sunday entry in "A million hours in the life of Krissy"...... later
botchies.
Cinco de Mayo-04
If I were in Hermiston right now I'd be on my 5th Corona shovin limes up my nose and humpin my du's leg.... but I'm not,
I'm in Seattle, in class, and my ass has to get up at 4:30 tomorrow and work all day, how lucky for me. Probably a good thing
I'm not drinkin tonight anyways, all this alcohol has created a tumor zit on my chin the size of mexico, I should buy a sombrero
for it... or we can all gather around and beat it with sticks like a pinata... hahahaa, ok that's just gross. Anyways....
I gotta go to the "whips, chains, and kidnappin thangs" store sometime this month and get some supplies for when
I steal my du away from Oregon, then I gotta stop at the "bigger stores for bigger whores" warehouse and pick up
a strap-on so I can get her ass bouncin like a lowrider in a dr. dre video.... hahahahaa, ok that's just gross too... I'm
a sicko tonight, must be this zit stealin all the oxygen from my brain. Well I guess I'll let you folks go now (iffen you
even read for this long).. enjoy your mexican independence day and remember to wash your hands after dancing with a chulo.
5-09-04 Mothers day.
Sometimes I get crazy... like a god damn tornado lookin for a trailer park, WATÇH OUT. Right now I'm just lucid, at the
lab, working on my newsletter. I can't decide between pantone 164 C or pantone 163 C... the only person who's going to understand
what I just said is Shelby, and I don't even think she comes here anymore. So it's mother's day... how exciting... and since
I don't have a fucking mom (or even a grandma for that matter) I called my dad and wished him a happy mothers day... he was
grateful. Lets see, what else... du continues to have boyfriend problems.. a tornado needs to go through hermiston and kill
him. Well I better get back to work... bye chickens.
05-16-04
It's late. Listening to NIN-warm place. Mulling over the events that just took place. Scandalous seconds
with a boy, who wasn't my boyfriend. And after 3 counts of infidelity I decided to just break it off before I broke
the man's heart. I think it's broken anyways though. I just can't PRETEND... I'm not like everyone else, I can't
pretend like everything is OK, and I'm happy with the relationship, I can't just hope it will get better... because if it
gets bad so early.. then how's it gonna get better... I think I'm rambling now. I have to get up in like 5 hours.
I really do want to love someone.... someday.
5-17-04
Another day, another broken heart. God my freckles are huge right now, must be all this flourescent lighting. So today
Ralph asks me if I'm gonna move when I graduate.. I'm like "do you want me to?" and he says no, that he gets lonely
when I'm not there. Which is weird, cause we don't even talk.. it's like he's comforted by my tv or music blaring in the
next room. It was sweet tho.. and he bought food, and I still owe him money... and I'm a slob.. wow, I'm a horrible roomate.
Meh.. anyways... I'm gonna go surf the net cause "Today is a day to waste away"-krissay.
5-18-04
So today was a great day, even though I spent way to much money, but fuck it I'm 19 I need to live like I'm 19.
So me and shelby went to the beach first thing when we woke up... drank some sparks.. got toasty. Then impulsed our
way to the tattoo parlor where she got "beauty." on her inner bicep, and mine... well I'll get a pic of it on my body mod
page.. but it hurt like fucking hell. I swear that's my last one (yeah right, that's what I said about the last two).
Then I saw mr. scandalous for about an hour.. and, suffering from withdrawls from my botchie, then headed back to shelby's..
got some pizza and watched sex in the city. It was nice.... fuck boys.
5-22-04
"Ice queen"... Yesterday we called the concierge about chili dogs and psychics. The tattoo is itching like crazy.
OH, OH I got my computer back, this is wonderful news. Thank you du for making sure my dad wasn't dead on the floor
this morning, you're a good friend. Well I don't feel like talkin anymore. Peace and carrots.
5-26-04
SO!... I have an interview for an internship at Seattle Magazine next wednesday. I don't wanna jinx myself by telling
everyone but FUCK IT this is pretty cool. Saw packard last night, forgot how sweet and cute he is. Well I better get to
work on my annual report. I love you dad, and du, and shelby. Be good.
5-29-04
Scanning in ads for my magazine. Twitching like crazy cause it's the end of week 8 and I'm nervous as hell about gettin
all my shit done. Everyone's gone for memorial day weekend, I wanted to go back to hermiston but fuck, I got alot of homework,
and gas prices *pukes*.. no way. Went and saw an improv comedy show last night with shelby and marc, it was pretty funny,
and shelby bought me dinner.. awww. Me and salim might hit up folklife tonight, who knows. "Cheated wins and constant
sins give little boys their bloody shins"-krissy.
5-31-04
OMG.. tomorrow's the first of the month. "Wake up, wake up, wake up, it's the first of the month, so get up, get
up, get up, cash your checks and get up.." haven't heard that song in forever. So I've been downloading music like crazy,
and all this pirated pink floyd is makin me wanna smoke some weed really bad, I actually just went in ralph's computer
room in search of his pipe... no luck, and it's a good thing cause I got that interview for an internship on wednesday and
I don't know if there'll be a drug test or not. Music like this.. makes miss my childhood alot, which is weird,
cause I didn't really have one.. but the times that WERE good... I loved. I don't wanna grow up... I wonder in how many
entries of my journal I've said that... seems like I say it alot. "Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch
the rain, but you are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today, and then you find that ten years have got behind
you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun..."-Pink Floyd-Time.... I'm feelin those lyrics right now.
6-02-04
Soooo I have a hangover... first one in a while and I had my interview at Seattle Magazine this morning but it went
fabulous anyway. I got it, and I start next tuesday... doing page layout and shit like that. However for the months
of july, august, and september I'm going to be dripping with stress. I'm really hoping everything goes smoothly.
6-04-04
Another day in paradise. I got in trouble today at work for "showing too much leg"... I wear a fucking UNIFORM...
that THEY GAVE ME. I really hate that job, they make no sense sometimes. On the man front... the player, is getting
played. It's cool and everything, I totally deserve it, I'm just mad I didn't see it coming. Tonight was shelby's
art show.. it was really cool, cool place.. but I'm an introvert, and all the people and music became a sensory overload.
So me and marc ditched it for a couple hours, went down to the canal and drank, sat on thorns and everything... it was like
old times back when I was in highschool. I liked it. Well girls and boys... my eyes grow heavy under the rude
monitor light, until next time.. *kiss*.
6-06-04
He's hot like potatas, and I'm sprung like the leak in my waterbed. So I'm just gonna lay here, get soaked and
see what happens. Sure hope this frame holds up.
6-09-04
"You are one of a kind, that makes you kind of the one"... can't get that song out of my head. Sitting here
at my internship, with nothing to do, waiting for the art director to come back, sweating like a pig cause I just walked all
the way to the school on my "break". I'm exhausted, stressed out, moneyless.... I think it is in these situations
that I've become most comfortable, because I'm so used to it... whenever everything is going great.. I know shit's gonna hit
the fan... at least when they're all fucked up I can just start working on fixing it.... so yeah, I better get back to the
fixing..
6-14-04
I haven't written for a while, lets talk. Found out on friday that the restaurant will be closing in august for 6 weeks...
which means I will be out of a job.. and money. Looks like it's time to get on grandpa's good side so I can get a little
loansky. Then saturday I went to an art show.. photography. It was pretty cool, but it got even cooler when I noticed the
free wine. Me n shelby got wasted.. then I left to go to studio b.. and that my friend, was crazy... maybe it was a dream.
Anyways I can't wait to go home on friday and RELAX... just found out I'm passing my portfolio class... *sigh of relief*.
6-??-04
I have no idea what day it is. It's all a blur, I'm here, I'm there. Everyday it's a different exit off the freeway,
I almost took the wrong one this morning. I had to get up before the sun this morning. I had coffee.. lots of coffee.. for
breakfast. I'm overworked, underpaid, beyond tired, and far from done. Sometimes I forget my name, krissy? kristine? kris?
crazy? I'm busy, I'm dizzy, I daydream about you kissin me. I need to breathe.
6-17-04
Tengo tremendo.. CULO!
6-21-04
Where do I start. Friday night: Climbed the fence around the local bar and successfully snuck in. Saw
pinky, and kyle and lots of cowboys, Got drunk, home at 3am. Saturday night: Climbed the fence again (I'm
a pro), got all my drinks bought for me by mexicans that night, listened to horrible music, got hit on by some cute boys,
flashed some boobies for some big white mardi gra beads, snuck off into the wilderness, home at 6am. Sunday: Fathers
day, picnic with the family, begging for money, car breaking down.. needs a new alternator, sweating, driving to paterson,
drunk again, "tell grandma I say hi, right after you do them lunges", riding in a big ass truck packed with boys and girls,
pitch ass dark gettin lost in mint fields, and pea fields, and alfalfa fields, climbing combines, home at 4am. Today:
well it's still early today, but my car is fixed, what's in store for tonight? probably getting drunk. I love all the
crazy shit that happens here, shit you could never do in seattle.
6-26-04
An eight dollar ring is a slap in the face. Not even big enough to give my punch a little extra something.
The beat of this music is emphasized by my box fan. I feel I'm wasting my time with certain someones. I feel
I'm serving time for hurting loved ones. I wonder if there's a heaven.
7-03-04
Speechless.
7-05-06
I can't even find my thoughts anymore
... or my clothes for that matter.
Can you help me down off this highrise of heartache
Slip your hands up my dress on the way
Tell me you love me and leave marks on my neck
Give this hiatus between heaven and hell a reason
...... I wish I wasn't sleeping alone tonight.
7-10-04
Where have I been???
Feeling slightly less than alright. I'm a bit rattled about the days ahead of me. Right now things are so
good, what's gonna tear it all down. Infidelity. Fiery mornings. Forgetfullness. Poverty... poverty
will play a big role. Poverty hand in hand with a complete lack of hours in the day, shit they're practically
fucking. And they're gonna have a crazy little baby named Anxiety Attack. I can't wait.
7-18-04
This weekend was CRAZY. Ya wanna know how you can tell if a night was crazy or not, if you wake up the next morning
with a dark ass bruise on the back of your leg and you have no idea how it got there. I don't even remember getting
hurt. Anyways, my du came up from oregon in company with lydia. We had a grand ol time. I got like 2 hours
of sleep all weekend. They gotta move here. Well I'm off to bed, love you guys!
7-26-04
The baby lays there. Gently bathed in lime grean carpet that smells of grandparents and cat food. The baby
lays there. Tiny little toes twitching from the cats wet nose. The baby sighs.... and cries.... and dies.
Not physically, but emotionally. Without mothers touch teasing every hair to stand on end, without mother whispering
"I love you" in baby's ear..... I die.
8-09-04
My tattoos look so pretty when they're wet. I just got out of the shower. Only 20 days till my 20th birthday...
how exciting. Partied with the AI kids this weekend, I've become very attatched to them in our last quarter. I'm
going to have to tell some people it's not going to work out.... I'm not looking forward to this.
Why aren't I in bed.
Why aren't you in bed with me.
Never again she said softly.
Becoming slowly dead to me.
8-16-04
Here I am
Crying
Eating pork and beans out of the can
And mud pie ice cream
8-24-04
It's my b-day on sunday. I hope someone at lease calls me, that's all. It's cloudy and rainy today, finally. I met
this new guy Tim, we'll see. It's been soooooooooooooooooo nice without my uncle home. I want to live alone. Rollerblading
around eastlake, with my buddy from now on. Maybe people will stop saying I'm "thick".. just a nice way of saying
fat. There's so much to do, that there's nothing to do... has that ever happened to you? I'm hungry, she's lovely, he annoys
me, she never calls me. I'm weird.
8-29-04
It's 1:54 in the morning on my 20th birthday. Toes digging into the soft pink rug shelby gave me. Mum hums
quietly in the background (that's a band for all you losers who don't listen to great music), all I really want today is a
cake, even a cupcake would do. I wrote something.
Brick sky
Sailing into highrise buildings
Wishing on a fallen tree limb
Sunny silhouette of Jesus
Hands bending
Into japanese oragami
Call me mommy
Say you're sorry
Leave on chocolate
Aeroplanes
Falling, failing
Finding nothing
Wanting, waiting
Winding something
I never really knew my mother
Jesus never knew her either
9-02-04
I feel happy in my dirty parts, and dirty in my happy parts.
9-07-04
How come no one ever writes in their online journals, bastards, all of you. Doing product shots for the magazine today,
wish I was getting paid for all this. I've been getting really bad headaches lately, must be the insanity setting in.
And now a little something I like to call, The D's
Divorce
Dining alone in dark, dingy rooms
Adoring the adornments she left behind
Diamond wedding ring
Devastated
Stomping on her perfectly planted
Daffodils
Making deals with the devil
Digging heels into the gravel
Hoping for just one day
Free of desperation
At least daddy has his little girl
Dancing naked
And sleeping with tiny teddy bears
9-25-04
Well it's been a while hasn't it. Graduated last week. I've been on the hunt for a j.o.b. this week, it's
looking good. I spent today watching cheech and chong, working out, eating garlic bread, and blowing off guys that wanna
see me. Just doing what I do best I suppose. Going to look a a cute little apartment on tues in lake city.
I decided I'm going to do a poetry slam.. maybe I'll post when and where so you people who read this can go see me be crazy.
Later friends.
10-04-04
I don't think anything's set in yet. Being a college graduate, having my own apartment.... I'll tell you what has set
in, a raging case of mononucleosis (or in lamens terms, the kissing disease). I have the Epstein-barr virus which is a pretty
dormant virus (except for it makes you pretty tired for the rest of your life) but when I get super stressed out it likes
to show it's true colors by giving me mono, which is painful. My lymph nodes swell up to the size of golf balls, it sucks.
So here I am at work designing a layout meanwhile I'm fighting desperately to keep my throat from swelling shut. So now
that you're somewhat educated, don't call me a baby when I complain about being tired... I'm really fucking tired alright.
10-16-04
I want company. Come visit me.
10-17-04
I'm in love with this band Saxon Shore I just discovered. They're like, if Sigur Ros had a baby with my ever looming
depression. And now I'm speaking with joe and wondering if you have to choose between love or money. Fuck that,
that's ridiculous.
10-26-04
So I figured out no matter what you do someone will have something bad to say about it. Can't please everyone all the
time. However there are certain people that I really do NEED to please all the time, and I'm trying so hard I think my head's
gonna explode. On a totally different subject.... *swoon*.
11-02-04
I think it's funny how everyone takes my writing as reality. Yeah some of it's real, most of it stems off reality with
alot of embelishment, and the rest is flat out shit I made up. So come on people, if I say I fucked Santa Claus last night
would you believe me... no. So just because I write it down doesn't mean shit really went down that way. I mean honestly,
no writing is good if it's based soley off of actual events. Fuckin eh guys.
11-10-04
I love these lyrics:
Days turn into years. "A" students turn into dropouts
Seeing the world from a creative angle turns into seeing it from a couch
Orgasms become lifetimes. Bong hits turn into white lines
A face becomes a dartboard and cardboard becomes a house
Boys turn into men. Enemies become your friends
Losing turns into winning and the beginning becomes the end
Words turn into magic. Rewind becomes a habit
Rabbits become vultures and cultures become trends
A party becomes a funeral. Sunlight turns into cancer
The rain turns beautiful. An unusual question becomes an answer
Happiness becomes a cataract. A sip turns into a six-pack
And Earth turns into Mars as my album becomes a standard
A hero becomes a statistic. A lost soul enlisted
The potholes are lifted as the hot coals leave you blistered
A sickness becomes a teardrop. A cup of coffee becomes a long day
Your best friend's guidance becomes the wrong way
As the song plays my voice becomes the past, present, and future
Transportation becomes pollution as humans become computers
Time becomes space. Minds become waste
And a person becomes less interested when a mic becomes an instrument
An age turns into a nightmare. Love becomes hate
The nine becomes a zero and every country becomes one state
All you thought you knew was just a foolish assumption
Yes, everything is something. But something is nothing
11-24-04: Thanksgiving eve
Time to give thanks!
I am thankful for......
Pirated music.
The word 'holler'.
Shitty weather.
The block function on my email.
The 522 bus route.
My prescription to vicodin.
The shoes on my feet, the clothes on my back, and the colors on my chest.
Every.... single..... freckle... SNAP.
This bald guy I met.
Magazines with my name in them.
Paychecks with my name ON them.
And last but not least I am thankful for sweet little du.
Random Thoughts 2005
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